Am I Wrong for Refusing My Mom to Move into My Home after She Retired?

A woman in her early thirties thought she’d found personal freedom and space when she bought her first house. Little did she know that her retiring mother had plans for it, wanting to move in with her. Sadly, the woman didn’t feel the same way.

Taking to the AITAH subreddit, a 32-year-old woman wanted to know if she was wrong in the following situation. She explained that in 2023, she reached an incredible milestone when she bought her first-ever house, boasting two bedrooms.

What was unique about the place was that it suited her needs perfectly. However, the original poster’s (OP) 60-year-old mother had other plans. Now that the older woman was retiring, she wanted to relocate from OP’s childhood home to her new city.

A young woman sitting outside a house | Source: Pexels

The parent threw a spanner in the works when she asked if she could move into the young woman’s extra bedroom instead of buying her own condo. As much as she loves her mother, OP revealed she declined the request.

The Reddit user said she didn’t want to give up her personal space or guest room. Sadly, her mother got upset and argued that the family should live together. The parent said she wished to be closer to OP, and the younger woman was being “unreasonable” for not wanting her to move in.

Wanting to assist her mother in finding a better living alternative, the Redditor suggested helping her parent look for an affordable 55+ community instead. However, her stubborn mother refused to entertain any other housing alternative.

The parent insisted that OP has plenty of room in her house and that she should want her mother to live with her in retirement. The Reddit user’s mother went as far as trying to use manipulation tactics, with OP revealing:

“She says I’m abandoning her in her time of need.”

A displeased younger woman standing in front of an older one | Source: Pexels

The poster confessed that she feels guilty but isn’t ready to live with her mother at her age when she’s just finally gotten her own space. OP’s brother called her “selfish” for not supporting their mother’s plan. However, the Redditor doesn’t believe their mother’s retirement means she has to give her the privacy of her own home.

In a follow-up comment to Reddit users’ replies, OP reiterated that she loves her mother and understood that not everyone wants to live with their parents in retirement. She explained that she proposed alternatives to help her mother relocate, but giving up her guest room full-time wouldn’t work for her right now.

A man and woman arguing indoors | Source: Pexels

The woman hopes she and her mother can find a suitable living arrangement. She also wrote back with another clarification when one person asked if her mother was able to take care of herself financially, she replied,

“Yes, she can support herself! She just wants to move because her house is too big for her alone.”

An upset younger woman facing down | Source: Pexels

“Tell your brother, mom can move in with him,” one reader suggested.

Another one said, “Mom can buy a place, and brother can live with her and take care of her.”

“NTA. She’s 60 so is retiring on the younger side. She never communicated her plans with you and you’re under no obligation to house her. Not only would you be losing your extra room, your entire adult life would revert back to a pseudo child-like (sic) situation,” noted someone else.

Replying to the previous Redditor’s comment, another reader said, “This. You would be expected to do as she wants/says because she knows better because she is your mother. It will ruin your life, trust me, having parents living with you from my 20s definitely did this to me. I was fortunate to get away from my mother when I remarried in my 50’s, leaving her in my house but still, she is a burden because she thinks it was my duty to live with her to look after her. ‘When you left…’ is her favorite refrain.”

A frustrated woman sitting on a chair with her hands over her ears and head | Source: Pexels

“NTA. Your mother’s housing isn’t your problem or responsibility. She wants to live with you, and you don’t want that to happen. She can get her own place and live near you. Why would you want to live with your mom? Is she going to pay rent, help with bills, or is she looking to live there for free? How are you abandoning her? She’s choosing to want to move,” advised another person.

A younger woman embracing an older one from behind | Source: Pexels

Judging by the comments, it seems many people were on OP’s side. Others even suggested that the parent get a two-bedroom house and move in with OP’s brother since he seemed keen on the idea.

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